I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
