I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
