using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
