Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
time to smoke my breakfast
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
