Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I want is dick and wine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
