Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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