Buhtt sex?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
