Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
