I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
