I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
two words...techno handjob
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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