I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
