You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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