You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
