I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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