there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
