I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
