we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
