Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
