he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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