can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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