We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
