I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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