I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
