I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
