I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
