community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
