I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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