I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
