If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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