My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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