I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
