totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
