I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
