if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
