My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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