The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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