got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
