just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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