please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
