walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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