i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
