Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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