It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
