Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im six kinds of drunk right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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