Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
