How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
