who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
