Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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