Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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