my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
