No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
