dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
