Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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