cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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