You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
