East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I puked a lego.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
