So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
