I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
