Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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